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The Misogynist’s close cousin is The Perpetual Cheater. Back in the day, The Guy Who Peaked Too Early had everything a 17-year-old girl could ever dream of.
His sky-high confidence carried him smoothly through college, and no one was surprised when he landed a smart, sweet, beautiful girlfriend in his early 20s.
And that’s just her public persona—at home, she’s fantastic in bed, a spectacular cook, loving, selfless, and devoted. He’s immersed in a fierce battle between his superhuman standards and his terror of being 40 and single—because 40 and single is not supposed to be part of The Total Package’s story.
Oh and she also speaks French, plays tennis, sings beautifully, reads voraciously and she’s a history buff. As long as anyone can remember, The New Lease On Life Guy had been dating his longterm girlfriend.
He’s not really sure how to be single but he’s goddamn happy he is, and he’s sure as hell going out tonight.
He’s also the arch-nemesis of The Resigned Fiance, who’s in an equally unhappy relationship but just kind of kept going with it, unable to resist the sweet, sweet inertia, and who most certainly does not want to hear about The New Lease On Life Guy’s latest exploits.
There’s just one thing The Total Package seems to be having a hard time finding—a girl worthy of his greatness.
He’s also not quite sure why everyone who knows him is trying to figure out “what the problem is.” His parents are worried, never wasting an opportunity to ask him if he’s been dating anyone.
His friends want to help, setting him up on dates every chance they get.
Find me a group of 30-year-old men and I’ll pick out one overgrown frat dude living with roommates, another guy who just dropped his two kids off at school, a few who are well into their careers and a couple soul-searchers looking for work.
Some will tell you that they’ve finally figured it all out and some more will say they feel hopeless for the first time in their lives. But perhaps the motliest part of this crowd is the ever-growing group of 30-year-old single guys.